All those guys will understand and if they don't it doesn't matter. I just can't do this tour, Yolandi, says Elf. He's been planning this for years.Īnd remember Andras, the guy you met in Stockholm when you saw me play? Friend first, agent second, that's what he always says, right? He's weathered your storms before, Elfie, he'll do it again.Īnd so will Maurice be angry, says Elf, he'll go crazy. Only because you're not because you're here He'll just want you to feel better. You don't have to do anything, I reassure her again. I go back and sit on my orange vinyl visitor chair and blow my nose and stare at her. She leaves and I smile at Elf and she says come here, Swiv, and I get up and walk two steps to her bed and I sit on the edge of it and flop on top of her and she smooths my hair and sighs under the weight of my head. How about if I give the two of you some time to yourselves, says Janice. Elf nods and looks longingly at the slab of Plexiglas next to her bed, the window. I want you to know that you're safe here, Elfrieda, says Janice. Some clanking sounds are emanating from the hallway and a man is moaning. Elf rolls her eyes and touches the stitches in her head with her finger, one after the other. It's like leaving the Crips for the Bloods. It's like the opposite of the Welcome Wagon. Nobody moves away from Win- nipeg, especially to Toronto, and escapes condemnation. Janice turns to look at me with some kind of look, I don't know, and I feel the need to apologize. And isn't it great to see Yolandi? You must miss her now that she's not in Winnipeg. Was it good seeing Nic and your mother? asks Janice.

Well, it's called self-ridicule, whispers Elf, but so quietly that Janice doesn't hear it. So we can safely say you are not ridiculous, Elfrieda. Neither am I, says a voice unexpectedly from behind the curtain, her roommate.

She means ridiculous.Įlfrieda, you're not being ridiculed, okay? says Janice. Her green eyes are replicas of my father's, spooky and beautiful and unprotected from the raw bloodiness of the world. If I squint across the room at Elf I can change her eyes into dark forests and her lashes into tangled branches. How are you feeling right now? Janice is saying. You could throw it into a fast river and dive for it. I guess you could choke on a ring if you decided to swallow it, or pound it against your head for several weeks non-stop until you did some damage. Elf has beautiful hands, not ravaged by time or sun because she doesn't go out much.

All my puny sorrows book